what we supposed to do

halooooooo

so lately my mind gone very mess. i don't even understand the theory that

"we don't always fall in love with the most suitable people, do we?"
-- Ken Follet, Winter of The World.

i do like a nice warm-hearted gentleman, but when it comes to love, we can't choose who will fill our loneliness. i mean our heart, you can be with someone that makes you happy but you will spend your whole lifetime with the one who can makes you both happy and sad. am i right? love wasn't supposed to be full of happiness, for me love is when you crave the whole of his/her world in front of their eyes. you want it so bad, but you have to do good. as i feel right now, loving someone who's hurting me so bad, is a kind of bliss that i could not resist, the sweet smiles fill up my coffee cup every morning, and the worst attitudes, fill my gloomy sky by the end of the day. it's pretty hurt. it's like wearing a sweater, sometimes you get warm feeling, and then the materials makes you itchy. However, we can't choose who we need in life. your heart tells the most pure truth than your mind would escape. God has a reason why we should suffering this pain in the ass. for me i'd like to believe that whatever will be, will be. no matter how much it hurts, enjoy it. but, when you know there are so much impossibilities between you both, it is the time, the time that you tell yourself you had enough, it does not meant that you gave up, but you had enough. not because you're not enough for them, but sometimes when we hold something tightly, it will cause more damage. some people are like gravity, they pull you back, no matter how far you've try to forget. i know i'm in love when i fall for that people everyday, and all i can do is just enjoy it. love is a drug, no matter how bad it is, some people will still chase for it.

best regards,

your clarissa.